Grief Relief

I promise that this will be my last posting on grieving over my pup...but I think I've discovered that I am very inexperienced with grief.

Though I have to say I have been so touched by the e-mails and cards and comments. It's amazing how much it helps! Makes me realize that reaching out to someone who is grieving is very important. Kindness is downright therapeutic.

Yesterday was a hard day. It was the first "normal" day after Azure's passing. The house was quiet. My eldest daughter had been visiting and left for home.

In some ways, it might have been the toughest day. Coming home to an empty house, for example. Ouch ouch ouch.

Actually, I was able to tell two friends about Azure without tearing up, which I considered a step forward.

Last night, I woke up and my thoughts bounced back to Azure and I felt that crest of sadness again.

So here is my question to those of you who have worked through grief of any kind:

Am I dwelling? Or processing?

Any insights to enlighten me?

Good Grief

The vets called yesterday and I learned a little more about Azure. They think she had either a brain tumor, lesion, or aneurism that ruptured. Not knowing has been hard...it helps to know what the reason most likely was for her early death.

Grief is a funny thing...it's right up under the surface and the smallest things can trigger a fresh wave.

On Saturday night, we were watching a movie to distract us from Azure's very recent news. The first song on the movie track was, "Go tell Aunt Alice the big brown dog is dead."

WHAT?

We turned it off.

On Sunday at lunch, my two daughters and I went to a sorority brunch. When we walked into the house, my college daughter's best friend, Maria, ran up to us with sympathetic eyes (Maria is a dog person). That started us crying and we had to leave. We're pretty sure sixty sorority girls think that my daughter, Meredith, has a very emotionally unstable family.

Later on Sunday, my oldest daughter, Lindsey, and I were in a Coach purse outlet. The sales woman came up to us and cheerfully asked, "Are you looking for a dog collar? This is a wonderful one."

Lindsey and I looked at each other as if to say, "Are you KIDDING me? Do you not know we are deeply grieving for our pet RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE?"

Politely, we told her no and left the store quickly.

It actually made us start to laugh.

Don't Read This without Your Kleenex Nearby

Two weeks ago, our five-year-old yellow lab Azure went from being a healthy, normal, energetic dog to acting like a very old, old dog.

We took her to the vet, trying to run the ordinary tests to see what might be going on. He started her on antiobiotics but, day after day, there was no improvement. Azure didn't seem to be in any pain, but she just seemed old. Moving slow, not alert, sleeping heavily. Still liked to eat, though, and normal relieving, no vomiting.

Every few days, we tried more tests at the vets--blood, urine, X-rays...trying to get a diagnosis so that there could be treatment.



Last Saturday evening, Azure collapsed and couldn't get up. We took her to the emergency vet clinic. This time, there was no option. She was dying. The vet said her eyes were moving in such a way that her brain was affected.

So we loved her best by letting her go.

The last two weeks have been so hard--Azure was only 5 1/2 years old and the epitome of good health up until two weeks ago. What's funny is that I just knew. Something seemed seriously wrong. I felt like I had a shadow following me. The vets kept telling me I was getting ahead of myself...but I just knew.

These first few days are the worst...I'm so in the habit of thinking about her that I feel a jolt when I remember she's gone. I keep finding a leash or a toy or a dog bowl. I just miss her.

We all take comfort in the fact that Azure had a wonderful, happy life. Not a day went by that she wasn't walked, fed, and loved. She gave us joy and received it in turn.

Please hug your dog today!

(Azure had five puppies for Guide Dogs for the Blind. Two are currently guides.)

Monday Muse: My Parachute Won't Open

No matter how your week started, this clip will make you laugh. I love the guy's calm demeanor as he's hurling through the air.

Friday Feature: author Elaine Viets

Can you give us a little bit of information about your publishing history?

I write two series for the Penguin Group. My eighth Dead-End Job mystery, “Killer Cuts,” is published in May and got a good review in Publishers Weekly. For that book, Helen Hawthorne works in a high-end beauty salon. I’ve also written four Josie Marcus, Mystery Shopper books. The latest in that one is “Murder with All the Trimmings.”

When in the process of writing your book did you begin to look for a publisher?

After it was finished. A lot of writers are told they only need three chapters and an outline, but that’s old school advice. Too many took the money and never finished the book. Now, it’s a three-stage process. New writers have to finish the whole book, and then look for an agent, who looks for a publisher. I’d recommend an AAR agent. That’s the Association of Authors Representatives (http://www.aar‑online.org/mc/page.do)

AAR agents follow a code of ethics. There are a lot of rip-offs out there, including agents who tell writers they have talent but need a book doctor – who will only cost around $500. A real book doctor costs $3000 to $5000 and up and is usually a retired New York editor. For $500, you may get, if you’re lucky, a copyedit. The so-called the agent shares the fee with the alleged book doctor.

What has been the best part about being published?

Holding my new book. I take time to admire the cover, the type and other handsome features. I pray it doesn’t fall open on a typo.

What do you wish you had known when you first started out as a writer for publication?

Writing is a business as well as an art. We need to write well, but we also need to know things like “sell-through” and “stripping.” Professional organizations are important. I belong to Mystery Writers of America and Sisters in Crime. I also wish I’d attended the genre conventions the year before my first book was out. For mysteries, my favorites are Malice Domestic, Sleuthfest, and Bouchercon.

Has it been a bumpy ride to becoming a published author or has it been pretty well smooth sailing?

It’s been a roller coaster ride. My first series was published by the sixth major New York house that read it. I had a three-book contract and then a contract for more. I was on top of the world, until Random House killed off that division. That same year, my husband had cancer, we lost our money in a stock market crash, and we were audited by the IRS. To pay the mortgage, I wound up working in a bookstore, shelving more successful authors.

That experience became the basis of my Dead-End Job series, which NAL, a division of Penguin, bought in 2003. The first book in that series, “Shop Till You Drop,” is now in its twelfth printing. “Murder Between the Covers,” which is set at a bookstore, was the second book in the series. The eighth Dead-End Job book, “Killer Cuts,” will be published in May, 2009.

How important do you think self-promotion is and in what ways have you been promoting your book offline and online?

Promotion is important, online and off. I blog for The Lipstick Chronicles with five other women writers, including Nancy Martin, Sarah Strohmeyer, Michele Martinez, Kathy Sweeney, Lisa Daily and Harley Jane Kozak. Our back bloggers come to many of our signings. (www.thelipstickchronicles.typepad.com)

I’m also with the Femmes Fatales, which includes Charlaine Harris, Donna Andrews, Kris Neri, Toni L.P. Kelner, Hank Phillippi Ryan, Mary Saums, and Dana Cameron. http://www.femmesfatales.typepad.com/

We’re thrilled that Charlaine has seven books on the New York Times bestseller list. She’s one of those rare people who deserves her success.

When “Killer Cuts,” my latest Dead-End Job novel is published in May, the launch will be at the Malice Domestic Convention, May 1 to 3, in Arlington, Va. Then I’ll go to the Festival of Mystery in Oakmont, Pa. This is an event no mystery writer – or reader – should miss. After that, I have signings from Washington DC to Fort Worth to St. Louis. The details are on my Web site at www.elaineviets.com

Where can readers find a copy of your book?

Most chain and independent bookstores carry my mysteries. I have links to several sources at www.elaineviets.com If you’d like a free signed bookplate, please email me at eviets@aol.com

________________________________

Killer Cuts: A Dead-End Job Mystery Elaine Viets. NAL/Obsidian, $22.95 (272p) ISBN 978-0-451-22686-0

Near the start of Viets’s hair-raising eighth Dead-End Job mystery (after 2008’s Clubbed to Death), Helen Hawthorne, who’s working at Miguel Angel’s high-end beauty salon in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., assists Miguel in fluffing and buffing Honey, the pregnant fiancée of Kingman “King” Oden, a notorious gossip blogger and cable TV star. After the couple exchange “I dos” at King’s Hendin Island waterfront palace, someone shoves a drunken King into his pool, where he drowns. Miguel becomes a top suspect in King’s murder after heroin’s found in the hairstylist’s makeup case. To help clear Miguel, Helen investigates other suspects, including Honey and the victim’s two ex-wives. Meanwhile, Helen must cope with anonymous threats in her mail as well as plan her wedding to her PI boyfriend. Viets keeps the action popping until the cliff-hanging ending, as Helen ignores signs that her best-laid plans have a black hole connected to the past she’s been running from for years. (May)

Walk on By

A friend told me that my book was on display at Rakestraw, a local bookstore! So the next time I was in Danville, I walked on by..and tried to act very casual and nonchalant.

You know, like it happens all the time.

Inside...I was thinking, "Now this is a very cool moment!"

Life in a Jar

Did you happen to catch The Courageous Heart of Irena Sendler on Sunday night? It was a Hallmark movie based on a true, incredible story. If you didn't see it...Netflix it.



In the fall of 1999, a rural Kansas teacher encouraged four students to work on a year-long National History Day project.

Three ninth graders and an eleventh grader accepted the challenge and decided to enter their project in the National History Day program. The teacher showed them a short clipping from a March 1994 issue of News and World Report, which said, "Irena Sendler saved 2,500 children from the Warsaw Ghetto in 1942-43." He told the girls the article might be a typographical error, since he had not heard of this woman or story. The curious students investigated and were baffled. “Why hadn’t we heard of Irena Sendler? Oskar Schindler saved 1,100 Jews and had a Web site and hit movie about his life. She was practically anonymous, except for a brief mention on one Web site.”

Prodded by Conard and guided by their class motto, “He who changes one person changes the entire world,” the students crafted a 10-minute play
based on what little they could find regarding Sendler’s feat. Their LIFE IN A JAR presentation won the Kansas contest and was a National History Day finalist.

This is what those four kids discovered about Irena Sendler, a woman who was not even five feet tall but was known as "the little giant" by the survivors whom she rescued:



When Nazis walled up Polish Jews to keep them cornered for shipment in rail cars to death camps, they were also subjecting them to starvation and disease. Irena Sendler’s outrage at such cruelty overcame fears for her own safety and inspired her to act. Disguised as an infection control nurse, she sometimes entered the ghetto three times a day to persuade parents to let her smuggle their children out using false identities.



Sendler carefully recorded each child’s Jewish name, Polish name and address on scraps of tissue paper she would hide in glass jars to be buried so birth parents could find them after the war. By 1943 Sendler was in charge of 24 women and one man in Zegota’s (Polish underground) children’s division.



Despite Sendler's nurse’s disguise, expertly forged ghetto transit papers and meticulous skill at smuggling children out in toolboxes, suitcases, old sewer pipes—even coffins—Sendler was caught. She was arrested and tortured for three months at Pawiak Prison, having her legs and feet broken. She was to be executed, but before it could be carried out, Zegota had spies bribe a guard to help the badly injured
Sendler escape from the Gestapo.

Amazingly, she continued working with the Polish underground while moving around Warsaw to secret hiding places, including the zoo.

Sendler suffered throughout her life from those wounds she received while at the prison, and was branded as a Communist after the war. Her story was discovered just a few years before she died, at the age of 98.

He who changes one person, changes the entire world.

Review for Dogs!

A wonderful review about For the Love of Dogs is up on Title Trakk this week, written by author-in-her-own-right April Gardner.

It’s always cool to get kind words about a book–-especially when it doesn’t come from someone with your same last name.

So, to celebrate, I'm giving away two free copies of For the Love of Dogs this week. Send me an e-mail or leave a comment about your favorite dog. Pictures are a bonus and will help to sway the contest.

My own dog is under the weather...we've been to the vet a couple of times now and even he is a little puzzled. She's on a strong antibiotic right now and I'm hoping it will kick in soon.

It's very troubling when your dog is sick...she can't tell you what's wrong and just looks so sad. Fortunately, she still enjoys her meals. That's a very good sign, for a labrador retriever.

On an entirely different note...and a very upbeat way to wrap up today's post, check out this Youtube clip. 200 dancers performed Do Re Mi in a Belgium Train station. Bet it'll get you up out of your chair!

Monday's Thought for the Day

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein

Prepare to be "Wowed."

First...have a kleenex nearby.



And this little girl is amazing! So is her mom, I think.

American Idol...English-style

If you have a few minutes...this is a youtube clip that will put a smile on your face.

Make sure you get to the point where Susan Boyle starts to sing.

Have You Made a Spoonerism Today?

Do you know what a spoonerism is? We all do it.

A spoonerism is an involuntary reversal of sounds in two or more words, with humorous effect.



For example, "a well-boiled icicle" for "a well-oiled bicycle" or a "scoop of boy trouts" for "troop of Boy Scouts" or a "blushing crow" for a "crushing blow."

The term spoonerism was coined around 1885.

Spoonerisms were named after William Spooner (1844-1930), an English clergyman, warden of New College, Oxford, and scholar of the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries. He was famous for such mistakes.

In one spoonerism attributed to him, he meant “May I show you to another seat?” but said, “May I sew you to another sheet?”

Can you imagine having a word named after your verbal slip-ups?



But wouldn't it have been fun to have gone to church, week after week, sitting on the edge of your chair, waiting for a new spoonerism to be delivered by the good Reverend?

The John Tracy Clinic

Last Tuesday, we spent the morning at The John Tracy Clinic in Los Angeles. This clinic was founded by Spencer and Louise Tracy in 1942.

Their son, John, had been born profoundly deaf. Rather than accept the doctor's advice to institutionalize John so that he would learn sign language, Louise found a correspondence program to teach him to talk and lip read. She had such success with John that she and her husband founded a program to help other families.

Years later, this amazing clinic helps families all over the world, using the latest technology combined with the correspondence program. The services are provided free to families. Much of what the JTC does is to help educate and support the parents of deaf children. They have classes for the preschoolers, classes for the parents, and support groups, too.



90,000+ children have been helped around the world, in over 100 countries.






I featured the JTC in my first book, Copper Star. We passed by a case and there it was!

These are archives of the first correspondence letters written between a parent and Louise Tracy. She used to type the letters to each family herself.

One comment made by a JTC staff member has stuck in my mind: "While the technology has changed over the years and the correspondence program has been updated, one thing hasn't changed--the questions and concerns of the mothers."





It was a memorable morning for us--so interesting to see the beautiful facilities of the Clinic, meet the impressive and caring staff, and see what has come out of Louise Tracy's dream.

And much more fun than going college hunting.

Radio!

This week, For the Love of Dogs is featured on Reader Views.

There's also an interview you can listen to here.

The interview happened last Friday morning. I had to shoo the family out of the house before 8am, put a note on the front door to make sure no one rang the bell, put the dog in her crate (sorry pup!), had a glass of water by my side...and got ready for the phone to ring. And tried to quiet down my pounding heart.

Kind of odd to hear yourself on radio...I sound so lispy! Anyway...it's probably about 20 minutes long. Edited down from 45 minutes. Turn up the volume and go do dust the family room or do your sit-ups.

Let me know what you think!

Monday, Monday

As we wrap up a vacation week and get ready for a new week, this song keeps running through my mind: Monday, Monday by the Mamas and the Pappas. 1966, #1 on the Top 40 Billboard for 10 weeks.





Do you remember it? My sister used to play it on her little 45 record player, over and over and over. She played it so often that I can still sing the lyrics, over forty years later!!!! (I can also sing every verse to Sonny and Cher's I Got You, Babe, thanks to my sister's evil brainwashing.)

Easter Sunday!

Easter has always been my favorite day of the year. For those of us who believe in Jesus Christ as God's Son, it is the most meaningful event in all of history.

There was one Easter, in particular, that stood out to me.

Ten years ago, we were living in Hong Kong and spent Easter Sunday in London, England. We attended the Easter service at All Souls Church (John Stott's church)--a not-to-be-missed experience on any Sunday of the year.

When we rose to our feet to sing "Christ the Lord is Risen Today," I was struck with the realization that our friends in Hong Kong had already sung that very song, we--in London--were singing it now, and within 8 hours, my family in California would be in church, singing it.

This "3rd rock from the sun planet" was slowly turning on its axis, singing praises to the Lord God for this most magnificent of days. God must be pleased.

A little Easter Humor

College Road Trip!

Just got back yesterday afternoon from a blitz trip to Los Angeles to show my son some colleges.

I'd forgotten about LA's beach culture...traffic, concrete and beaches! And there are no old people in LA. Not sure where they have migrated to, but the bulk of the population is 18-30, incredibly good looking, fit and tanned. No wonder they have based all of those teen TV reality shows there...it's all true!

We wanted to give Tad a taste of big, little, medium, private, public, and an idea of living in Southern California. And so we did.


We checked out USC, UCLA (wow wow wow), UCSD, UCSB, Westmont (my alma mater and personal favorite), and Pepperdine.



One thing about traveling with two males (my husband and son)...I saw every single basketball court on those campuses. Only two libraries...but every single Athletic Facility.


Sigh.


So what was Tad's response to this highly planned trip?

He's more confused than ever.

Conversations with Dad

Today is my Dad's 83rd birthday.

For quite some time, my perception of my dad has been caught in a strange, in-between time. Dad hasn't passed, but he's not really Dad anymore.

Dad's birthday makes that feeling all the more apparent. We're going to celebrate his birthday on Easter, but we really can't get him many gifts. He doesn't want or need much, and his stuff is always getting "borrowed" by the other dementia residents.

Alzheimer's is called The Long Goodbye. So very true. Sometimes, I wonder how it will feel when Dad actually does pass--I've grown so accustomed to his dimishing personality and capabilities that I don't "feel" grief for what he has lost, at least not the way I used to. I believe in Heaven, and so does he, so I have a great assurance that he will be in the presence of the Lord.

But every now and then, I feel a wave of missing Dad, as he used to be. And when I do, my thoughts wander to how life would be for him and Mom if he were 83 and healthy, body and mind.

It's Tuesday! Who's Your Pick on American Idol Tonight?

So where are you on your American Idol favorites?

Kris Allen is starting to amaze us. He came out of nowhere, seemed a little out of his element, and yet...every single week...he improves and tries new things. That guy is talented.

He's 23, a business student at a university in Arkansas, and a very talented musician with a honeyed voice. Plays the keyboard, guitar, ukelele, and probably a bunch of other instruments, too.

Cute, too. Kris has an adorable wife who reminds me of one of my daughters. And...he's a Christian.



Daney Gokey is consistently good, as is Lil Rounds.

But Adam Lambert still has that "wow" factor. He may not be your style, but he is so...memorable! This is the clip where Smokey Robinson, who wrote this song, Track of my Tears, rose to his feet to give a standing ovation.



So who are you rooting for?

New Cover/Old Cover

I received an e-mail from my publisher the other day saying they had taken the Amish Peace: Simple Wisdom for a Complicated World book cover to booksellers and were told the cover didn't evoke enough emotion.

So they went back to the drawing board.

This is the new, finalized cover...and even though I loved the old cover, I love this new cover even more.
Don't you wonder what those little boys have been up to? Where they've been and what they're laughing about.

I like the colors, too. My favorites: blue and yellow.

So this is the Old Cover:


I liked it, too...because you feel as if you're walking into the picture. You can sense the quiet and the peace of a warm summer day. Maybe, early autumn.

Anyway, the publisher knows what they're doing and I'm kind of dazed at having so much help and support in releasing a book. I've been very grateful for the small press that has published my first books...very, very grateful. I've learned so much and have a tremendous appreciation for all that goes into selling books. But WOW...what a difference to be with a big publisher. Wow, wow, wow.

It's like drinking Folgers's coffee...and then someone offers you a Starbucks'. Or, even better, Peet's. How can you ever go back to a common cup of coffee?

Same thing with publishing. I can't go back.

A Little More Texas Church Humor

Stop By for a Cup of Coffee with Linda

An awesome review popped up last night for Love of Dogs on Mocha with Linda's site.

Stop by and tell her hello! Linda's blog is very well done. She reads and reviews all kinds of books with an honest, forthright appraisal.

That girl has clout, too...sales for Love of Dogs are zooming today on Amazon!

Friday Feature: Author Kathryn Neff Perry

Welcome, Kathryn! Thanks for dropping by today.


1. What has been the best part about being published?

The best part of being published for me has been all the people I have been able to meet, that probably would never have come into my life. People I have met at book signings, public speaking, or on line.

2. What do you wish you had known when you first started out as a writer for publication?

I wish I had known how slow the process is. From writing the book to actually seeing your work in print.


3. Do you plan your stories first with an outline or does it come to you as write it?

My favorite part of writing, is finding out what will happen next. I always tell my readers the difference between them and me, is I get to read it first.


4. Has it been a bumpy ride to becoming a published author or has it been pretty well smooth.

There are certain aspects of the publishing process I could say have been bumpy. When the editor wants you to change something you feel is essential to outcome.


5. How important do you think self-promotion is and in what ways have you been promoting your book offline and online?

I read one day not long ago, that it’s not who writes the best book, but who learns how to promote it.

I have two web sites and three blogs. When I started writing the first blog (www.authorsden.com/kathrynneffperry) it was strictly for entertainment. When I wrote a newspaper column years ago, it was to make people realize even when bad things happen to us, we can usually find humor in it. I try to continue that tradition through that blog.

My second blog (www.kattskomments.blogspot.com) is to help other writers stay encouraged and inspired. My third blog (www.everydayblogers.blogspot.com) is one I share with 7 other writers.

My web site (www.kathrynneffperry.com) is where people come to check in. See what I’m doing. They can subscribe to my newsletter, ask a question, or just say hi. They can also purchase both my books from my website.

Don't Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth

Don't ask me why, but Amazon just lowered the price of my new book release, For the Love of Dogs, to $10.

Incredible! That is just about the price I can buy it, with the authors' discount, direct from the publisher. It retails for $15.99.

Forgive me if I sound like a used car salesman...but that price probably won't stay that low for long.

So if you're at all inclined to buy, don't think twice! Grab it. Grab two! Mother's Day is coming up, and your daughter's birthday (very G-rated rating...I'm a G-rated kind of gal), and your best friend's grandmother--who loves dogs--and your mailman could probably use a smile...well, you get the picture.

And remember...all royalties go to Guide Dogs for the Blind.

Forgot to Mention!

Last Friday, after a long week of heavy campaigning...my son won the coveted student body president election!

It was a close race to a worthy opponent.

Such a relief to have it over! When Tad came home from school, we had the song "Hail to the Chief" playing in the background. He flashed us a weary smile and plopped on the sofa to fall sound asleep.

Phew...it is not easy being the mother of a presidential candidate. The ups. The downs.

Worrying about your little boy risking his neck out there, out on a very long tree limb...even though that little boy is six feet tall and can handle disappointment.

Still...moms are moms.

And now...I am trying to decide whether my friends should refer to me as The First Mother or Queen Mum.